Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Running for Office

This next story takes place in the fall of my 6th grade year. The leaves were falling from the trees, and the weather had begun to cool. The elementary school that I was attending at the time had only opened 2 years earlier. Therefore they had never held school elections, or had any class representatives. However, this year they had decided to open up the polls to the children in the 6th grade classes.

This seemed like quite the exciting opportunity for me. I had bold aspirations of being president, and what better start than to represent the 6th grade class in the school Congress. That weekend I sat down at my desk to hammer out the most amazing speech imaginable. I had a vision. I would change the face of the school altogether. As you recall, I took school and life far too seriously at this point in my life. This speech would be no different. I had never been a part of a class election, so I was uncertain of what to include in my proposal to the class. I spent the entire weekend working diligently on this eloquent speech that would blow the minds of my fellow classmates. There would be no possible scenario in which they would see my as unfit to represent the class. I made bold claims of making numerous donations to charities, doing volunteer work around the community, and making important changes around the school. These changes would forever revolutionize the way schools were run in our beautiful country. Along the way I made the mistake of taking input from my mother on items I should include in the speech. Needless to say, this speech was more fit for someone running for city mayor than it was for some kid in the 6th grade.

That following Monday the much anticipated elections were held in our classrooms. The teacher asked the classroom if anyone would like to present first. I eagerly raised my hand with the intention of blowing away the competition. I proceeded to give my five minute long speech about bettering the world around us. I did have a punch line at the end that I was certain would entertain the crowd. Afterall, it did involve a clever rhyme. "Vote for me, I'm Mr. Lee!" Oh yes, the audience was in tears at the end of riveting speech. Unfortunately, I believe these may have been tears of boredom.

As I took my seat, my opponent calmly raised his hand. This foe was actually a close friend of mine at the time. I was unaware that he had actually formulated such a brilliant speech that I had no chance to beat. This was a 30 second rant about how he would make sure the cafeteria would serve mashed potatoes and recesses would be extended. He may in fact have created the speech as the rest of the class slept through my monologue. I was no match for these guerilla warfare tactics. He would go on to win in a landslide victory. In fact, I am quite certain I received 0 votes. After this decisive loss, I decided politics were far too cutthroat. I proceeded to retire from the political scene altogether.