Sunday, April 25, 2010

Welcome to College!

The day had finally arrived. I was an independent young man, with no rules and restrictions bogging me down. This was the day that I was to arrive at my dorm, just outside the campus of the wonderful University of Oregon. Nothing could bring me down from this exhilarating high that I was experiencing.

Prior to the move west, I had attempted to have a party at a friend's house. As I do not plan anything in advance, I had decided that very night that such a party should occur. I found the resources to purchase the alcohol and proceeded to try to call people to get a party going. Unfortunately, thirty minutes was not an ample amount of warning for people which caused this plan to fail miserably. Now I was left with a heap of beers, and nowhere to place them. Eventually it was decided that another friend of mine, Steve, would smuggle them, as if they were painkillers from Mexico, to college that very next week. This plan was surprisingly successful as the numerous bottles were hidden throughout his boxes and bags of clothes.

Now that the first part of the plan had been executed to perfection, the second part was simple. Our first mission as college students would be to consume all of these drinks that first night. There was no better way to bond with a new roommate than to take him to an oasis of alcohol and down bottle after bottle. My new roommate, we'll call him Ralph, Steve, and I made it our mission to down every last bottle. Once again, the plan was a raging success. However, that did not signify the end of the evening. Ralph and I abandoned Steve at his dorm and proceeded to return to ours off campus.

Upon our arrival back at the dorms, we met a pair of lovely ladies that lived down the hall from us. Coincidentally, they happened to have alcohol at their disposal as well. So, we proceeded to drink more liquor with the ladies and another guy. Much to our disdain, this tap eventually ran dry as well. At this point rational decision making had taken a backseat to the need for more alcohol. Located next door to our dorm was a 7-Eleven. We rationalized that it would be simple to convince someone outside the 7-Eleven to purchase us some more beer. The group discretely approached a dirty, homeless man situated outside the convenience store and supplied him cash in order to make the purchase. He agreed to our offer and bought us our materials.

Apparently we had figured that walking through the main entrance of the dorm with a brown bag consisting of beer bottles peering out the top was a good idea. As we approached the entrance to the stairwell I heard someone in a hushed voice say, "Go, go, go." I had no idea what was going on, but I am not one to question a hushed voice. I hurriedly ran up the stairs towards our floor. Although I still had no idea why I was running I continued to run towards our dorm door. From a distance I heard, "Stop!" At this point I had the inclination to run down the emergency exit that was next to our door room. This probably would have even been successful, but the group had decided to wave the white flag.

As I turned around, I saw a man in a uniform rapidly approaching us with a couple of RA's from the dorm. I soon discovered that the campus actually had a rag tag team of "officers" known as the DPS. These were not real cops, but they walked around with a badge and issued tickets. We were seemingly a very threatening bunch, because he proceeded to radio backup. Perhaps this was only because it made him feel more like a real police officer. Of this I cannot be sure.

We were each issued MIP's though they were apparently only warnings. The consequences of our actions led to meeting with an extremely obese head of the dorms. Ralph and I had to meet with him separately, so we made sure to get our stories straight beforehand. If he didn't hear what he deemed a proper answer there was always a chance that our reign in the dorms would end just as soon as they had started. We passed the exam, however, and were sentenced to the BUSTED class. This class simply consisted of former alcoholics informing us how we could become inebriated in a more efficient manner. I don't believe that I went into the class with an open mind considering that I was hungover from the night prior to the class. All in all it was quite the eventful first night of college for me. If anything, it certainly started out with a bang.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Where's that gift? - Oops, it's her birthday!

One major flaw that I have always had when it comes to relationships has always involved the act of giving gifts. Now, this doesn't only pertain to relationships. Christmas gifts, wedding gifts, other's birthday gifts. I have always been a procrastinator by nature, and in the case of gift giving I am no different. This has led to some interesting situations that I have gotten myself while attempting to secure gifts at the last moment. Thus I have decided to make a series of posts labeled, "Where's that gift?"

The first installment of the series takes place in the summer following my sophomore year of college. I had stayed in Eugene to take summer classes while my lady friend had gone home to work for the State of Oregon. We would see each other every couple weekends or so during that summer. It was a very carefree lifestyle that I was living. I was only attending school a couple days a week, and mostly was spending the summer relaxing.

This debacle took place one evening in early July. It began innocently enough, as most days had that summer. I was working an 8 hour day at the dreary mall that I had mentioned once before, pretending to sell sports jerseys and hats. Suddenly, my lady friend strolled into the store. I had known that she was coming down for the weekend, but hadn't thought much of it. We spoke for a bit, and she proceeded to head to my apartment until my evening at work was through. Shortly after she left, I suddenly was struck with a frightening realization. I had just realized that it was already her birthday. This event had completely escaped my mind.

The situation was looking bleak. As I had mentioned before, this mall was a wasteland. I had already taken my lunch and break that evening. Target was all the way down the mall, and I didn't want to cause a ruckus by disappearing from work for 20 minutes. This left me only one option. Yes, it had indeed come to this. I would have to jaunt on over to the FYE next door and try to make something special happen. I scoured all 3 aisles of the store in hopes of finding the perfect gift. Desperation had set in, and anything I could piece together would have to work. The final solution consisted of a card, The Notebook DVD (easy way to a girl's heart) and a Tim McGraw CD. Yes, this was a patchwork gift to be sure.

I arrived at my abode that evening prepared to douse her with my lavish gifts. She proceeded to open them excitedly. A look of disappointment immediately spread across her face as she realized the gifts I had provided her. The Notebook was a movie we had seen in theaters. Therefore, I was giving her a gift that she had already seen. She also happened to own the Tim McGraw CD I had purchased her. This was disastrous, but she still played cool and pretended to be happy to see me.

The night went on, and we were hanging out. Suddenly she reached in my pocket for some reason. No, this was not in fact that kind of reach into the pocket. I could not possibly be that lucky. Instead, she pulled out the receipt from my purchase earlier in the evening. Cleverly, I had not thrown out the receipt or hidden it. She instantly noticed that the date of the purchase was marked for that very day, and the time of the purchase was shortly before I had left work. I was in fact nabbed red-handed. Needless to say, the night did not end well and this would be an incident that I would be able to learn from for the future. Only I did not...