Sunday, April 25, 2010

Welcome to College!

The day had finally arrived. I was an independent young man, with no rules and restrictions bogging me down. This was the day that I was to arrive at my dorm, just outside the campus of the wonderful University of Oregon. Nothing could bring me down from this exhilarating high that I was experiencing.

Prior to the move west, I had attempted to have a party at a friend's house. As I do not plan anything in advance, I had decided that very night that such a party should occur. I found the resources to purchase the alcohol and proceeded to try to call people to get a party going. Unfortunately, thirty minutes was not an ample amount of warning for people which caused this plan to fail miserably. Now I was left with a heap of beers, and nowhere to place them. Eventually it was decided that another friend of mine, Steve, would smuggle them, as if they were painkillers from Mexico, to college that very next week. This plan was surprisingly successful as the numerous bottles were hidden throughout his boxes and bags of clothes.

Now that the first part of the plan had been executed to perfection, the second part was simple. Our first mission as college students would be to consume all of these drinks that first night. There was no better way to bond with a new roommate than to take him to an oasis of alcohol and down bottle after bottle. My new roommate, we'll call him Ralph, Steve, and I made it our mission to down every last bottle. Once again, the plan was a raging success. However, that did not signify the end of the evening. Ralph and I abandoned Steve at his dorm and proceeded to return to ours off campus.

Upon our arrival back at the dorms, we met a pair of lovely ladies that lived down the hall from us. Coincidentally, they happened to have alcohol at their disposal as well. So, we proceeded to drink more liquor with the ladies and another guy. Much to our disdain, this tap eventually ran dry as well. At this point rational decision making had taken a backseat to the need for more alcohol. Located next door to our dorm was a 7-Eleven. We rationalized that it would be simple to convince someone outside the 7-Eleven to purchase us some more beer. The group discretely approached a dirty, homeless man situated outside the convenience store and supplied him cash in order to make the purchase. He agreed to our offer and bought us our materials.

Apparently we had figured that walking through the main entrance of the dorm with a brown bag consisting of beer bottles peering out the top was a good idea. As we approached the entrance to the stairwell I heard someone in a hushed voice say, "Go, go, go." I had no idea what was going on, but I am not one to question a hushed voice. I hurriedly ran up the stairs towards our floor. Although I still had no idea why I was running I continued to run towards our dorm door. From a distance I heard, "Stop!" At this point I had the inclination to run down the emergency exit that was next to our door room. This probably would have even been successful, but the group had decided to wave the white flag.

As I turned around, I saw a man in a uniform rapidly approaching us with a couple of RA's from the dorm. I soon discovered that the campus actually had a rag tag team of "officers" known as the DPS. These were not real cops, but they walked around with a badge and issued tickets. We were seemingly a very threatening bunch, because he proceeded to radio backup. Perhaps this was only because it made him feel more like a real police officer. Of this I cannot be sure.

We were each issued MIP's though they were apparently only warnings. The consequences of our actions led to meeting with an extremely obese head of the dorms. Ralph and I had to meet with him separately, so we made sure to get our stories straight beforehand. If he didn't hear what he deemed a proper answer there was always a chance that our reign in the dorms would end just as soon as they had started. We passed the exam, however, and were sentenced to the BUSTED class. This class simply consisted of former alcoholics informing us how we could become inebriated in a more efficient manner. I don't believe that I went into the class with an open mind considering that I was hungover from the night prior to the class. All in all it was quite the eventful first night of college for me. If anything, it certainly started out with a bang.

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